Help - Selfless or Selfish?

I just watched a beautiful movie – The Soloist – the movie in which Robert Downey Jr. befriends a brilliant homeless man – Jamie Foxx. But it’s not the names of the actors – it’s the names of the true characters, Nathaniel Ayers and Steve Lopez, a true story of the two men who cross paths in a chance meeting.

I don’t want to go into the specifics of the plot, but more important the message of the story. The message as I interpret it, is that being a friend to someone, whether you know them or not, is the most powerful thing you can do as a human. The definition of friendship (especially in the 21st century) can be discussed for hours, but what it all comes down to, is being there for someone when they need you. Being there for a person, accepting who they are, and not forcing your thoughts, your beliefs, or your desires onto them. But supporting the character of that person, and the way in which they choose to live their life.

The Soloist sent a humbling message. It reminded me of the importance of doing something for others. Also why we do things for others. I challenge you to think about that – and ask yourself – why do I do something for someone? Is it because you truly want to better their existence? Their life? Or is it because you want to better yours? Experience the “warm and fuzzies” that happen when you’ve done good? Does that mean it’s selfish to help other people – when you also benefit? What is your true motive for helping someone?

For me, it’s important to find a balance between the two – the feel good endorphins I experience and the prospect of supporting someone even when I might be uncomfortable with what they want, what they need. When I help someone, stranger or friend, I feel peaceful, lucky, and fulfilled. Selfishly those are emotions I want to have. But when I help someone, I do it with an authentic and genuine desire to support that person. I might not always agree with what that person wants, or feels they need, but that’s when it’s not about me. Next time you extend your hand to help someone, ask yourself why you’re ultimately doing so, and who you honestly want to help – your discovery may be surprising.

In the meantime, watch The Soloist – or read the book written by Steve Lopez. It’s a beautiful story, a beautiful relationship, and a reminder that the human spirit is a gift – a unique present to each and every one of us. Help when you can, help when you want to – and help with a quiet and humbled grace.