Girl's Gotta Work!

So in my quest to find what I want to be doing, I've realized two things:

1. It's good to try everything at least once

2. I'll pretty much do anything (excluding anything illegal and soul selling) for money - no matter how much

When I left my job at the Jimmy Fund, I went to work at a restaurant - actually, a sports bar right at Fenway. I've worked in a restaurant before, everything from family focused to fine dining, so a Red Sox bar was a piece of cake. It was also a ton of fun. I made good money, met some good friends, and even got a few good dates. But with the Sox season coming to an end earlier then most of us had hoped, the money faded - and fast. So fast that I could barely afford to work there any longer, which is why I had to leave.

I've done focus groups. The easiest $75 I made was trying a razor for 2 weeks. Free Razor + $75 = a happy girl.

I've been babysitting for people in my building. Some pay $15 an hour, some pay $8. I try to stick with the higher paying peeps, but like I said, girl's gotta pay the bills!

And now, my newest paid venture is going to be working as a "Brand Ambassador" - you know who they are. The girls who come into the bar on a busy night wearing clothes 3 sizes too small and knee high boots - offering free shots of liquor (please keep in mind, I'm not type casting, I'm just giving you the truth - because they came into my restaurant all summer!). Or they might be the girls standing on the side of the street, passing out free energy drinks or packs of gum.

I, however, will not cram myself into clothes that show off every bulge, dimple, and love handle (yes, I have them, I'm not perfect and won't try to be) - I will however, put on a pair of yoga pants in order to sell the next "fit video game" for Wii!

That's right people. I'm going to brand ambass for a new video game, for a system I don't even own. The good news is, is that I like yoga, I'll get a workout doing this, and I'm getting paid quite well.

My first training is today,where I'll get to learn how to play and operate the game (I hope). And then I start on Monday. So to quote an already over quoted movie... "SHOW ME THE MONEY!"

I'm Leaving to Watch Movies

I'm having a hard time being diligent about making blog posts. I guess because I'm still wondering how many people are even interested in what I have to say. I don't want to bombard the few (yet incredibly important!) followers that I have. I also haven't quite figured out the art of when, and what to write.

Initially I thought I would write about my daily life - my journey through a time when I'm not sure what's coming next. But that's kind of evolved I suppose into some reflective entries, some funny entries (I laughed when I wrote them, but I tend to think I'm funnier then I might be!), and some with a lot of emotion.

I haven't really written anything about what I've been doing. Maybe that's because I'm not even sure! My days get passed, I spend a lot of time on my computer - sometimes writing emails, other times writing multiple business plans - brainstorming new ideas for what I want to do, or what I think I can do. I end up on Facebook every now and then, and I come back to my blog to see if i've had any additional hits in the last hour (most of the time the answer is no, it's just me adding another count).

Today I watched the movie "Milk" - wow. Talk about a fantastic piece of work. One of the things I wanted to do when I left my job was watch more movies. That might sounds like a lame thing to do, but I've never really watched a ton of movies. I was always a TV girl. When there wasn't much time to watch anything, I felt better committing 30 minutes to Talk Soup rather then 2 hours to the latest George Clooney flick.

So I guess that's one thing I'm doing - catching up on good movies that actually inspire me, or make me think differently.

I'm doing some freelance work - writing, marketing, and I have a handful of "real jobs" in the pipeline... I just need to wait it out, see how things fall into place.

Right now I'm wondering if this post still even has your attention? If it does, thank you for making it this far. And if it doesn't, well I guess you're not that interested!

The Real Reality TV

I worked in cancer for 4 years. I loved my job, but everyday I thought about cancer. Sure, I was raising money to fight the disease, to work to find a cure, or at least a way to control it. More importantly, I worked with people who had been affected first hand. Family members had fought a battle. Many had won, many had lost. Cancer is a very powerful thing. Very real. And something that still evokes a powerful emotional response within me, despite the fact that I no longer work in the environment daily.

I've been blessed that none of my immediate family or close friends have faced the disease. That's not to say I haven't had friends of friends. Or family of friends. I've known many people who put up very triumphant fights, and sadly, the fight has not always been enough.

I ran the Boston Marathon twice for Dana-Farber Cancer Institute. I did my own fundraising, inspired by those that I worked with, those that were working so hard to find a way to conquer cancer. I wanted to do my part - but I want to do more. We all need to do more.

Where is this coming from? I'll be honest and tell you it came from television. I watch Brothers & Sisters - it's on Sunday nights at 10 pm. This show has brought me to tears. In fact, there are uncontrollable streams coming down my cheeks as I write this. The show is incredibly realistic, heartfelt, something that many people can unfortunately relate to. I just watched last nights episode and it reminded me of how real this disease is. How much it affects a person, a family, a friend - a stranger. The story line involves a main character facing stage four lymphoma. In the episode, her hair began to fall out, so she shaved her head. A song by The Fray became the soundtrack for the process - and the cumulative partnership of the plot and the music led me to this state. This state in which I realize that what I'm watching is a televised version of real life. Real women who are forced to shave their head because of cancer. Real women, and real men - real families who are dealing with such a traumatizing battle.

After working in a field in which cancer is the center of my day, the motivation behind my work, the reason that I had a job, I've realized that the role it plays in my life is large. And while I'm blessed that I've been free from this disease, and that my family has avoided it's rearing head, we can never be certain for what the future holds.

So to anyone that reads this that may have felt the affects of cancer in one way or another, please, have hope, please, be strong, and please make some contribution, no matter how big or how small, whether it's volunteering or raising money, please help put an end to this disease.

www.dana-farber.org

Deciding to Move Forward

Decision making is powerful tool. When one is made, it suddenly gives you the visibility you need in order to move forward. Decisions can be a burden. Weighing the options of one choice versus the options of the other. Considering the pros and cons of each. Thinking about the long term and how the decision you make might affect you in the future. Decisions can be stressful, causing an unexpected weight on your mind, energy, outlook - your overall level of living.

And people want to weigh in. People like to give their input, and often times, we ask for it. Making a decision for yourself can be especially burdensome, but equally empowering if you're confident in your choice and true to gut.

My Mom reads this book, "Don't Sweat the Small Stuff" - she loves it, uses it as a mantra. At first, I thought it was silly, but then I looked through it, and I can see why it's helpful for her. We're faced with so many decisions on a daily basis - just think about your normal everyday routine. From whether or not to push the snooze alarm an extra time (I always do...), to what to wear, whether to bring lunch or eat out, which project to tackle first, whether to have the afterwork cocktail or hit the gym... Our life is based on decision making. And these are just the tiny, day to day choices!

Over the past year, I've made some very big decisions - ones I'm proud of, but in a strange way intimidated by. When I made the decision to leave my job, I knew how challenging things might become, and that I would have to hold myself accountable for all my choices, actions, and decisions moving forward. I made such a big decision, that something as small as what to make for dinner shouldn't stress me out... but it sometimes does.

I've realized that when we're able to come to a conclusion, come to a decision on something that we've spent countless hours pondering, it's empowering. It provides a sense of strength, confidence, and relief if you let it. There can be no regrets. No looking back. Only moving on, embracing the choice you made, taking the consequences and the outcome, and going forward.

Color of Light

I'm happy to be home in my apartment at this very moment. The sun is setting in a way that I might not otherwise have seen. It's turning my walls a brilliant shade of gold - streaming in through my window, bouncing off the different colors in my rooms. Off the stainless steel of the fridge, the pale pink and brown in my bedroom, the dark cherry wood in my living room. It's all a vibrant gold - one I'm not able to capture on film, my camera won't do it justice. The intensity of the color is now slowly fading... the gold has now turned softer, the walls are returning to their previous state of neutral.

The color of the light came and went within a matter of minutes, not to be revisited today. Perhaps it will return again tomorrow. If not, I'm content that I witnessed such a kaleidoscope of color, a splash of brilliancy for three minutes, just now in this moment.