My Jigsaw Life

For years, I had all my pieces except one. Fabulous friends, a job that I loved, family that supported all my decisions, and an amazing apartment in the city. Everything was there, fitting so perfectly together, just waiting for that last piece of the puzzle to uncover itself – the man. The boyfriend. The partner who could “complete me” – or complete my life puzzle.

He hasn’t showed up yet– not the perfect fit anyway. And it’s not for lack of trying. I’ve given a variety of pieces a whirl - some with an edge, some a little too smooth, one that had so many angles the thought of making it fit drove me to a panic attack. Maybe he's hiding in another box.

It struck me the other day, as I was thinking about my life, the missing male piece, and the way my pieces are laid out now, how much our existence is similar to a jigsaw puzzle. All the aspects that make up our lives – love, work, friends, family, traveling, dreams, reality – everything needs to get placed together in a certain way to make it all fit. And fit well.

I think about one of those puzzles I had as a kid, three quarters made up by sky – countless pieces of blue that fit together in someway. And how many pieces needed to be tried before finding just the right one. Some came close, and I’d try to make it work, but I always knew it when I found it. The process was often frustrating for me – the challenge of putting something so big together, having to try so many pieces (my lack of patience didn’t, and to this day doesn’t help me). But when I was able to finally finish it off, find the next connecting piece, I always felt a sense of accomplishment and elation.

Jigsaw puzzles take a long time to complete. Some sit on tables for weeks, months even, with the framework in place, but the middle yet to be constructed. And every so often, the builder goes back, and tries a new piece in a new place with a new attitude. Sometimes it fits, sometimes it doesn’t.

I think we all have a life puzzle. Today, at age 26, mine looks like this: a solid border constructed with pieces scattered in an organized, yet chaotic groupings on the inside. Divided into jobs, friends, places I want to go, and bills I need to pay. I look at each day, trying to fit a few pieces together – my patience still lacking, but I’m working on that too. I’ll keep trying new pieces, building off my edge, and have faith that with a little work, everything will begin to fit –even the ones that are still missing.