The Etiquette of Social Pleasantries...

Doorman: "How are you today?"

Me: "I'm good thanks, how are you?"

Doorman: "I'm grrrreat" (imagine an underly enthusiastic tone despite the amount of "r's"

Me: "I'm glad"

Doorman: "Have a grrrreat day!" (now imagine an even LESS enthusiastic tone, coupled with a complete lack of genuine meaning, and a sense that the same statement has been made at least 50 times within the last two hours.)

Call me cynical, but I would rather forego all conversation together, rather then involve myself in something lacking so much actual emotion and concern. These few statements were so scripted by what we're "supposed" to say to each other. It's in his job description to make nice with the building residents - but nothing about our 30 second exchange of words was nice. Even the smile was fake! Now, I'm not asking for said doorman to take a care about what is really happening in my life - but he could at least change up his script, and maybe, on a good day, add a bit of authenticity to his otherwise monotone statements.

I had a very enlightening conversation with one of my best friends, about a year ago now. We were discussing this very topic, and how when someone asks "how are you" - they very rarely want you to respond with the honest truth. When the question "how are you" is asked, the questioning person expects a short, easy to respond, socially excepted answer "fine thanks, you?"

What if we rearranged the script? What if someone said "How are you?" And I responded with something like "Oh, I'm crumbling on the inside" (I'm not, this is just an example). Or, "I'm totally overworked, overstressed, need to lose 10 lbs, and miserable." What if someone actually gave an honest reply rather then the anticipated answer?

Maybe we'd all learn a little bit more then we'd like to, but we'd also be more aware of how we answer questions, and also, when and how we ask them.

Be genuine in your social question and answer sessions - even if it's just adding a nice smile. Chances are you and your conversation partner will both get more out of it.